Tears and Rain

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“Tears and Rain”

By Drazen A. Evilla

            “It’s amazing how rain symbolizes fearless love. Rain just keeps on falling, not knowing where it would land…yet it still falls.”

-anonymous

It hade been raining for hours. More like a storm than an ordinary rain in the cool early days of December. The cool crisp of the fierce wind entered the window inside the pitch-dark room, bringing in the soft showers of the heavy rain.

            Unable to sleep, Jeremy had been awake for several hours already, all alone in his room in the dead of the night. Even worse, he hadn’t been able to sleep for days. He looked at his little table clock on his desk beside his bed. The time is 2:48 am.

Feeling useless lying in bed when his eyes could hardly shut, he turned on the lights of his room and slowly grabbed a small envelope and opened it. A small card was inside. He read the contents once again. It was an invitation card of a wedding of someone he had always known. He then grabbed a small, oval object standing at his desk. It was the photograph of an innocent, sweet girl dressed in pink. He had been keeping it for almost seven years.

And alas, she had been the reason of all the desolation he had felt for the past several days and nights.

Staring at the picture for a thousand times already, tears began to roll from his deep-seated eyes, swollen and tired of expressing the torment he had been feeling from within. Once again, he had been arrested, imprisoned by the pain he had endured which started several years ago and keeps on coming back. He continued to cry in the turbulence of the night. As the rain keeps getting harder and fiercer, so was his agony. As flashes of light coming from the outside strike once in awhile, he cried and cried, until there were no more tears to cry.

Then he felt so weak, not only from his heart but of his entire soul. He let go of the photograph he had been holding, lied down again, then slowly, everything went black.

He was numb. For the first time in several nights, he had slept. In the darkness of his unconsciousness, images of his memory came to play, slowly and slowly. The first thing that molded was that of a boy and a girl sitting side-by-side in a place somewhat like a park. He tried to listen but the voices were too soft, but then turned clear and much louder. Then, he continued to listen…

“I was hoping to give you the sweetest present I could find for your birthday, but…this is only what I’ve got.”

The boy then gave the girl a silver bracelet in which the name of the girl was inscribed, Natalie.

 The girl was surprised, and then she suddenly blushed and smiled.

“Oh, you shouldn’t have given this brilliant thing. How sweet of you. Thank you so much!”

They both smiled to each other, the boy so glad for the girl had appreciated his simple gift yet one that comes from the heart. They both stared at each other’s eyes, a spark of bewilderment dominated, and then a silent pause passed for a short moment.

“Yes”, said the girl.

The boy had a wondering face, “Ugh, what do you mean by that?”

“I said yes! From now on, it’s you and me!” the girl replied.

The boy had a wondering face.

Why? Aren’t you happy? That’s what you’ve been waiting for nine months already, right?” the girl said, half grinning.

The guy was still in awe, speechless.

“No. I mean of course, I am happy! Oh so happy! I…I….I just never expected it now. “The boy said with a spark in his eyes

            “God, at last…she’s mine. … She’s finally mine!”

Then she stood up and shouted to everyone else around them, not caring what their reactions will be, “Did you hear that guys?!...” the people around have heard clearly enough that the girl told him to stay calm and sit down.

 “I love you...so much, I love you!!!” the guy told the girl softly.

“I tell you, I’ll never ever forget this day; this is the day we start our lives together! The most special day of September...” the guy said, displaying such a sincere smile, the smile driven by love.

After that, the scene whirled, faded slowly, and was gone. Subsequently, a transition of somewhat another image formed…

The scene he saw was a place somewhat illuminated with tiny bright lights surrounding courtyard with a gazebo at the center a fountain is nearby. A group of people playing their music was there, with a sweet slow melody playing in the background. It was then clear to him that the place was the most romantic place he had ever been with the girl she had loved so much. There he saw again, the boy and the girl having their dinner in the most romantic yet perfect place for such a pristine feeling.

Just the two of them.

 Then after a few moments he saw the boy handing something to the girl which he had been holding behind his back.

“Happy anniversary…,” he said. He handed to the girl a bouquet of pink roses.

“How romantic, thank you so much…happy anniversary…” the girl replied softly. After that, the boy lead the girl into the center of the gazebo, while a new, even more romantic tune played in the background. They gracefully dance with the tune. The warmth and scent of love flying and spreading its wings in their locale.

“I wish we’d be together forever.” The girl said softly. She laid her head on his shoulders while they danced.

“Of course we will, if we’d only fight for each other.” The boy said.

They danced gracefully around the gazebo as if floating on the clouds.

“You know what, if we are going to marry, I’d like that to be on the ninth day of September at nine in the morning,” said the girl.

“It had always seemed to mystify me that I am so fortunate with the number nine. Most of the wonderful things that had happened fall on the ninth date of the calendar. I know it sounds crazy but…I just don’t know what’s with it. Yet I’m certain about one thing, it was one of those days that we started our lives together.” She added.

“Certainly, you’re right about that.” The boy lamented.

Then the scene suddenly disappeared, and once again, a new setting formed. The place was the same place as the first scene, but only two people were there. It was gloomy. A storm is about to come.

“I never expected this to happen.” The voice of the girl spoke. Then he looked around. There he saw the two lovers. He was a few distances away from them.

He could tell that the girl is crying, and the boy started to cry too.

“I’m so sorry, it hurts me so much inside to do this, but finally, I really have to…let’s break up…” the girl said painfully.

The boy was speechless. He didn’t know what to do. He was frozen with what had just happened.

“I’m sorry…goodbye…” the girl whispered and walked away.

The boy was left alone. With the sight of the boy, Jeremy could do nothing about it.

A droplet of water fell from the ground and another followed, until there was plenty of it. It had started to rain.

It was so fast. Alas, it was the end of their story.

  

At that moment, Jeremy heard a heavy, loud sound from up high and a sudden flash of lightning followed, and then once again he regained his consciousness.

He woke up with a sudden shock. He was back in reality. He looked at the window. Outside, the rain had seized but it was still dark.

It was all but a dream. A dream of the events that have happened to him: of happiness and sadness; of contentment and torment; of a curious play.

He started to cry once again. Then realized what have become of him, broken and all alone, after all these years. His mind went back to what have started between him and Natalie, and once again haunted him of his painful past. Ever since his relationship with Natalie ended, he hadn’t got a straight and smooth relationship with any other girl, for what his heart speaks is the feeling he had for her. He tried to forget her after the break-up, and it took him a long time to recover, at least, from the pain in his heart.

 And now, it had been seven years ago. Seven years of loneliness.

Things have changed. So much had changed. It would have been better for him to thought ahead of time if ever that certain situation between the two of them would have happened, had he not drowned too much from his infatuation. Alas, love is unpredictable. It comes and it goes.

One thing was in his mind.

 He had to stop something from happening.

Something, which would give him his very last chance. For it was, for him, a matter of life and death. He had finally decided on a certain matter once and for all.

Jeremy dozed off again, without realizing it himself.

His eyes slowly opened, with a blurring vision at first, but subsequently cleared out. He slowly rose from his bed, his pillows wet with tears.

Then, without further cogitating, it suddenly dawned on him.

What time is it? Is it already morning?

He looked at his table clock. It was almost nine o’clock in the morning.

 He was going to be late.

14 kilometers away from Jeremy’s, a bride was confidently walking in the center aisle of the church. The wedding was well-decorated, adorned in its pink motif, which is the girl’s favorite color.

Caught up in the feeling between joy and sadness, Natalie looked ahead and saw the boy he would be spending her whole life with.

“I wish you were I made the right decision” she deeply thought as she walked.

The groom had been waiting for her to reach the end of the aisle and take her to the priest.

Jeremy hurried to fix himself, without further hesitation. After several minutes, he was on his way. When he got out of his house, he looked up the sky.

 It is going to rain heavy once again.

He walked swiftly and abruptly, almost in a run. He was terribly in a hurry. He waved to get a taxi.

When he finally reached the church, a lot of people were already outside of the entrance of the church and occupying the churchyard, showering flowers and welcoming the newlyweds as they bid their congratulations. Then at the top of the stairway ascending to the church, he saw Natalie, and she saw him too. They were face to face, and the joy of the crowd halted to a silence.

“What are you doing here?” the groom shouted at Jeremy, feeling a sudden anger. Natalie told him to calm down and tried to speak up. She stared carefully into Jeremy’s eyes as she descended slowly the church stairs to Jeremy until they were close to each other, their closest distance apart for seven long years.

She was still silent, while Jeremy tried to read her mind. They were for a split second, in an illusion. But shortly, she was back into herself.

“I’m sorry…..” she calmly said to him, “Your nine minutes left.”

Then Jeremy saw the big, old clock above the church’s entrance door. She was right.

The rain had started to pour down from the gloomy skies once more.

He failed for the very last time.

***

It was freezing cold. The storm was fiercer than the previous rainy days. Lightning clash from the dark sky hear and there. The wind blew harder than before. Sitting on his bed, Jeremy was silent, cold and still, inside his bedroom. Nobody else was around in his apartment, and so the whole room was dark. He doesn’t seem to be himself at all, after he failed from his futile attempt. The lightning continued to flash through his face, but he didn’t respond. He was soaking wet from the rain he had tried to combat just to regain the love he had thought was for him to cherish for the rest of his life. But now, the source of his strength to live each day was gone, it disappeared. He was in vain.

Surprisingly, Jeremy heard a dripping sound. He walked slowly across his room to find where the dripping sound come from. Then, he realized it was coming from the roof, bearing a tiny hole, when he felt the cold raindrops with his palm. He thought for a way to fix it.

 Silently, slowly, he went outside his room and searched for some things to fix the problem. After he finally found what he was looking for, he went back to his room. He grabbed a stool and stood on it to fix the hole. After a few minutes, he was done, and the raindrops in his room.

Yet, something occurred to his mind, something serious, something dangerous and baneful in nature. At the very moment, he looked at the things he was holding. Finally, he found the solution to put an end to all his grievances, and only then, could he finally rest from his anguish. But he lacked something. He went again to get the one last thing he’d absolutely need for his plan. He climbed back up the stool. Then he started it.

As if not looking back into the most important things in life he would have lived for, he tacked the things together. He hammered to conceal a large nail above the recess and made a tight loop out of a rope. It was perfect for his intention. For the last time, he recalled his sweetest memories with Natalie that would, at that point, be left as a part of their history. Thereafter, without hesitation and doubt, he slid his head inside the loop, and pushed the stool away, and so he was hanging above the floor. For a short moment, he had difficulty breathing; he was suddenly soaking in sweat. He felt pain. His visions were blurring, until the last breath and pulse of his life.

The lightning swiftly flashed like a camera shot and illuminated the whole space in the nick of time.

At that very moment, no more life can be found inside Jeremy’s room.

He was gone.