July is coming...

June is about to end. The first day of July is about to arrive, and there's nothing to be happy about. Though I should be happy because my birthday is nearing, I don't seem to find enough reason to be, because I am still bothered with problems in my mind. For one thing, we still have financial problems in the family, and I don't think we can afford to have a big celebration on my 21st birthday. All my life, I have never experienced such a big celebration during my birthdays, (with the exception of my 1st birthday), and few months back I was planning and somewhat expecting to finally have a big one this year, which is supposed to be my first-ever birthday party since the time I learned to have wits. But from what I can see now, I think that isn't going to happen at all. Makes me sad somehow. I've been expecting a celebration in the family actually. Sigh...:(

Well anyways, its our choice whether to be happy on our birthdays or not, but I guess I'll try to be happy, even if this is my 21st birthday and it seems like there isn't going to be some kind of celebration or a party in the family. Perhaps the most important thing is, that I am so blessed by God that He has given me this life for 21 years and many more years to enjoy it. :)

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Distress...

"All at once, I cried so many teardrops, and at least a million fell..."

- Whitney Houston, All at Once

Here I am again at home, feeling so sad and bored...

But honestly, it's not the boredom here at home that's actually making be feel blue. I love being at home, because it is where I feel safe and sound with my family. The reason why I get sad when I am here at home the whole day rather, is because it brings into my mind the problems I am facing right now, as well as with our family. That's why I wanted to go out and breath in, so that at least I may not think about the problems too much. It's really sad when you feel that all the things are crashing down on you all at once. I've been feeling like this nowadays. I get so upset thinking about me not having been able to find a long-term job yet; of a family who has been expecting you to help support your financial needs in the household; of a good and loyal friend whom you can ask out to lend you money that you need for your living, but suddenly seems like your friend doesn't want to see you nowadays; and of a lover who lately makes you feel like not being given enough time and care anymore, and you just need to understand because you are not the number one priority, but the person's job.

It makes you wanna cry sometimes, and makes you wanna give up but you can't and you should not. Though I have a lot of reasons to be sad, their is always a rainbow after the rain. The most important thing to me right now, is to help in our family's financial needs, and when I'll be able to solve this problem, somehow it would already give a smile on my face, because that is actually our number one problem. I just don't know until when will I be able to get out of misery. I really don't know, and that is the saddest part of all. :(

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Feeling so lonely...

Today is Saturday and I feel so lonely here at home.

I am the only one who's left right here and I at the moment can hear nothing but the whirring sound of my room's ceiling fan. I feel sad and lonely because I'm not used to being here at home during Saturdays since I usually go out with friends and go to the mall. Plus the reality that you are the only one at home gives you more sadness. I am the person who doesn't want to be left alone. I never wanted to be alone, but what can I do? I have to stay home since there's no one I could ask to go to the mall with me, or watch movies, or whatever that gives me leisure. I'm quiet jealous with my sister going out today,  and I'm just sitting right here facing my laptop for a several hours already. Though I could have all the chance to surf the net or check my Facebook and twitter accounts, or maybe watch TV in order for me to somehow be happy, still I still feel the loneliness around the house. But then,  I guess life is not always happiness and leisure. Sometimes, we need to experience being sad and lonely. Of course, that's life. It's just that, I am not used to this situation where there's nobody to talk to or have fun with. I know I have to get used to times like this, but right now, there are still other things that bother my mind which makes me sad right now.

Aside from being alone, the reality that I do have financial problems, or perhaps the whole family has, gives me more reason to feel blue. I still haven't been accepted in a new freelance writing job, though I have already looked and applied lots of them. I keep on telling myself to be patient but as days pass by I getting more anxious and anxious. In addition, my mom thought that I already found a new online job, when in fact i am still looking for one. Sigh...Times like this makes me wanna curl up like a ball in bed and cry. I wanted to help our family financially, but as much as I wanted to, I cannot do anything yet. I still keep on waiting for the clients to respond to my application. As of now, the only thing I can do is to continue seeking help from God and to be patient for His blessings. Perhaps God has better plans for me on why these things are happening in our lives right now. I just hope and pray that it'd be too soon when our family could finally live a better life, gradually. Nonetheless, I still thank God for the millions of blessings He has given us all our lives.

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